Don’t you be worrying about all those haters, girl. They just mad, girl.
It’s not your fault that you drive a Beemer and that you could afford the round-trip fare to Kenya, that you could afford to not work for months on end, that you can afford to
play work in the bush, disrupting and subverting patriarchy. I get it, Mindy. You’re just BLESSED, girl. Blessed and highly favored!
So, I didn’t go to B-school like you did, but I think I’ve come up with a way for you to put all of your culture-changing skills to use, actually. Yes, girl, yes. You think you’re the only one who knows how to give unsolicited advice? Girl, please. I BEEN ON…
The next time you have time and money to burn, Mindy, would you PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE take a few months in each of the police departments throughout the United States?
Yes, Mindy, your OWN country, honey. Yes, I know you won’t get as many miles, but… well, anyway, Mindy, Florida is far away from everything. Plus, you like rural experiences, don’t you? Hicks and sticks and backward values are your thing, amiright?
Yes, you heard me. Layzetahsyunee! MURIKA! You can help us here, too, Mindy! I read that Barnes and Noble review. “Mindy as a tribe member is ready to return to stand with her fellow warriors against whatever opposition they might face—be it lions, or elephants, or Western influence.” Wait, wh– Western Influ–okay, whatever… But how about racism, and racist cops, and vigilante justice? Girl, we GOT YOUR OPPOSITION RIGHT HERE.
Yes, boo, you march your determined activist legs into every police department in the country–be sure to start in Florida, and North Carolina, though, and teach the police exactly WHY AND HOW to stop profiling Black and Latino/a Americans. If you can handle lionsandtigersandbearsohmy, then surely you can march into someone’s central precinct with your spear and war paint and slap
complacent cops complacency in the face.
And then when you’re done with THAT (and the book tour that is sure to follow), I want to you to start a campaign called “They’re not scary!” I know you love hanging out with black folks and learning black culture and history, and switching up our ish to make it more EVOLVED, you know, so girl, you already know we’re friendly beneath our naturally angry-looking screwfaces and biologically intimidating demeanors. Sometimes, if we come knocking at white people’s doors in the middle of the night, it’s because we want to hang out, listen to Lianne LaHavas and share secrets. Or, we have an emergency and we need help. Girl, yes, sometimes even the Help need help. But you know that already!
Girl, TELL YOUR FRIENDS SOMAYBETHEYLLSTOPSHOOTINGUSDEADANDSTUFF!
Mindy, if you can achieve THAT, you might not get another spread in Glamour, but you will be in Ebony, Essence and Jet, and Nick Kristof will probably want to write a book about you (likely entitled The Whole Sky), and you’ll probably get a TED talk, the Nobel Peace Prize AND the Springarn Award. And black folk will stop rolling their eyes at you, and start inviting you to give special guest messages at their churches. You will be able to march in the front row at ALL of our marches–with the megaphone, Mindy! We don’t need no stinkin’ Jesse J–we need YOU, Mindy! No Justice, No Peace!
We might not be able to give you a ring made out of a rhinoceros horn for your next editorial spread, but I bet someone will be able to scrounge up a vintage dashiki from the ’70s, and a slice of homemade pound cake and some sweet tea for after the shoot. Girl, we GOT you.
So go ‘head, Mindy Budgor. Don’t worry about that shade coming your way. You better
stand your ground do your thing, girl.
We’ll be waiting.